By Jeff Perry
Most of us, when we think about conflict, consider it a bad thing we should avoid. That’s not exactly true.
The right kind of conflict can actually build trust and increase performance in teams! In fact, I would say that one of the best indicators of a team that trusts each other is the amount of conflict in the team.
Positive, healthy conflict happens when we can challenge each other in real ways, be open and honest, and collaborate more effectively.
Disagreements are Normal and Should Be Encouraged
There is no situation or team that is going to sail through all projects and tasks without ever disagreeing with each other. Yet one of the things that can build divisions and trouble in a team faster than anything is when people don’t feel heard and able to express disagreements, especially with leaders.
The best teams I have ever worked on were teams that people felt safe to disagree and challenge each other. No one person had all the answers. Disagreements meant that together we were committed to finding the best solution together. Doing so and keeping the environment positive helped build trust as we learned how to work through issues together without taking it personally.
Embracing conflict continues to be a difficult concept for me because I’m naturally conflict averse. I do not typically enjoy challenging others – it’s easier to be agreeable. Avoiding the conflict feels safer.
But doing that is not actually helpful.
It has always been better for my relationships to create an environment where it is safe to disagree. We can work through the issue, talk about the problem, evaluate root cause, etc. Then, when we decide together, we can be united and commit to it together.
What is the alternative? Disagreeing but not saying anything about it, which leads people to go off, grumble to themselves and others, and create rifts in the team. That is not going to work!
Be open, honest, and share what you feel. Do it because it is better for the team and organization, not just because it is what you want.
How You as a Leader React to Conflict Matters
If we are to build trusting cultures and relationships, how we react when people disagree or bring up challenges matters a lot. In order to create a safe environment where people feel safe to disagree, you cannot react with reprimands or harassment when you are challenged. In fact, you should completely acknowledge and consider the differing opinion.
It is up to the leader to do that – lead – in this reaction. In fact, effective leaders should be seeking out and asking for ideas and opinions that are different from theirs. This reminds me of a great quote from Simon Sinek:
“Bad leaders care about who is right. Good leaders care about what is right.”
Get your ego out of the way and look for the right answer rather than trying to be personally right all the time. You will be surprised by how much more honest and trusting your team will be if you do.
Disagreement and conflict can be a healthy part of your team. Seek out differing opinions, be open to new ideas, and react kindly and with respect when you are challenged.
In doing so, you can build teams with greater trust and psychological safety that are committed to creating something great together!
About the Author
Jeff Perry is the Founder of More Than Engineering, and serves as a leadership and career coach for ambitious engineers on a mission to have great lives and careers. You can find more information here or connect with Jeff on LinkedIn.
